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Recently, I celebrated my niece’s wedding. I ate way too many cookies from the cookie table (a tradition), and bumped into way too many people doing the slide dances, both Electric and Cha Cha. They’d go right, I’d go left. They zigged, I zagged. I’m not so good at line dances.
Long before “The Lion King,” my nana taught me about the circle of life. She should have gotten a copyright on that speech, because “The Lion King” became a movie, then a stage play, and a movie again. It made a mint! Unfortunately, the story that life is cyclical is not something you can pa…
Last time we were together I regaled you with stories about wackadoos in the state of Florida doing all sorts of weird and illegal things (by the way, there is a restaurant named Wackadoo’s in Orlando, and it couldn’t have been more aptly named or more conveniently located).
What the heck is happening in the Sunshine State? There’s a new Internet game called “Florida Man.” It’s easy and fun to play. Just Google the words “Florida Man” and add your birthday (just the day and month – the year is unnecessary). Several surprising results appeared.
A few years ago, I read an article about children. They took tests from grade school kids and showed off their most ridiculous answers, because kids say the darndest things. One particular answer struck me as right, even though the teacher didn’t like it.
During the holidays, I get together with my cousins for The Great Gingerbread Contest. We start the evening building gingerbread houses. We use graham crackers, old iced tea cartons and leftover Halloween candy to build our holiday masterpieces. By the way, it’s not just houses. In the past,…
My mother was right. My face did freeze this way. That pained expression on the aforementioned face is a reaction to a bitter cold blast of winter. Picture Jack Nicholson’s icicle-covered head in “The Shining.” That’s how I feel. I’m just not quite as murdery. Yet.
I have been contemplating writing a letter to my younger self. I know I won’t be able to deliver it without a time machine, but that’s not the point. It’s supposed to be a psychological exercise. However, I really would like to jump into a DeLorean, jet back to the past and tell my younger s…
According to Fox News, a majority of Americans curse when they are stressed. Most likely, because they’re watching Fox News – or any news for that matter. When I read the report, I said, “No $#!” which, for those of you who don’t read comics, roughly translates to “No duh!”
A few days ago, I read about the closing of the Pittsburgh Playhouse in Oakland. I don’t normally wax philosophical about a building, but I have some very fond memories of this historic locale. I’ve seen Greek tragedies, classic comedies, drag queens and German soldiers in that theater.
I have a friend who once told me he would never go on Facebook because he believed it was invented so that the government could spy on him. Back then, I thought he was crazy. Granted, he did wear an aluminum foil hat to keep aliens from scanning his brainwaves, but now I realize he was proba…
The other day, I was reading about a Delaware man who was inspired by a dream to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket and won! One pleasant dream later, and this dude’s got ten thousand crisp dollars in his pocket. One good night’s rest and he’s a thousand-aire.
Holy grim and gritty superheroes, Batman! This week, the iconic superhero team “The Justice League” hits the silver screen, and I am hitting back. I will not be content, even while I sit here with my keg-sized Coca-Cola and trash bin-sized popcorn. These are not my Super Friends!
It happened again. I was swimming in the pool at the gym, minding my own business, when my lane was hijacked. Some dude started swimming in my lane, even though the pool was half empty, or half full depending on your perspective. This mook chose to swim in the same lane.
Early last week, I noticed my cheeks were a healthy shade of red. I didn’t expect to get color this late in the year, especially since I was in Pittsburgh the whole time. It was 80 degrees! In October! In Pittsburgh! That’s both weird and wonderful.
When people find out I worked for the Walt Disney Co., their eyes light up. It’s generally followed by the exclamation, “Oh cool!” Then, I go on to tell them that I worked in business planning and development. It’s like shooting off a firecracker and following it up with a lecture on “The Sc…
The English language is full of cringe-worthy words. If you squirm when Dorothy Zbornak says, “My cupcakes are moist and delicious,” while watching a late night “Golden Girls” marathon, you have a word aversion (you also need a hobby). The word “moist” usually sets it off.
In a recent study, people ate more vegetables if they had fancy names. It turns out people are more likely to eat a side of carrots or green beans if they’re called citrus-glazed carrots or sizzling, grilled green beans. The citrus-glazed carrots had a lemon squeezed on them before serving, …