A bunch of people are reporting that they’re having weird dreams since we began self-isolating. My dreams have always been a bit weird. I didn’t know they were ever supposed to make sense. They’re dreams. Here’s a clue: If you’re flying or having a conversation with a rabbit, you are most li…
I never thought the day would come, but I am officially sick of television. As a kid, I laid in front of the boob tube, elbows propped up my head as I gazed into the small screen (it was only 12 inches wide at the time). Television was my best friend back then.
I did it again. I broke another toe. This time I broke the Piggy-Who-Gets-Roast Beef, but I also injured the Piggy-That-Gets-None. Twenty years ago, I broke the same toe on the right foot. I still find it frustrating that toes don’t have names. It’s just the big toe and all the other toes. F…
I’ve been making the rounds trying to promote my book, “All I Want for Christmas.” Recently, I booked “Spotlight on Pittsburgh,” with host Mandi Pryor. I’m hocking that book everywhere to anyone who will listen. Pretty soon, I’ll be on the corner in a trench coat whispering to strangers out …
Comedy is funny. I mean, obviously. But it’s not just “funny ha-ha,” it’s “funny strange.” Most people think it’s pure chaos. If you’ve ever seen the early appearances of Robin Williams on “The Tonight Show,” it sure looks like chaos (use your YouTube, kids). But there was even a method to R…
Recently, I celebrated my niece’s wedding. I ate way too many cookies from the cookie table (a tradition), and bumped into way too many people doing the slide dances, both Electric and Cha Cha. They’d go right, I’d go left. They zigged, I zagged. I’m not so good at line dances.
Long before “The Lion King,” my nana taught me about the circle of life. She should have gotten a copyright on that speech, because “The Lion King” became a movie, then a stage play, and a movie again. It made a mint! Unfortunately, the story that life is cyclical is not something you can pa…
Last time we were together I regaled you with stories about wackadoos in the state of Florida doing all sorts of weird and illegal things (by the way, there is a restaurant named Wackadoo’s in Orlando, and it couldn’t have been more aptly named or more conveniently located).
What the heck is happening in the Sunshine State? There’s a new Internet game called “Florida Man.” It’s easy and fun to play. Just Google the words “Florida Man” and add your birthday (just the day and month – the year is unnecessary). Several surprising results appeared.
A few years ago, I read an article about children. They took tests from grade school kids and showed off their most ridiculous answers, because kids say the darndest things. One particular answer struck me as right, even though the teacher didn’t like it.
During the holidays, I get together with my cousins for The Great Gingerbread Contest. We start the evening building gingerbread houses. We use graham crackers, old iced tea cartons and leftover Halloween candy to build our holiday masterpieces. By the way, it’s not just houses. In the past,…
My mother was right. My face did freeze this way. That pained expression on the aforementioned face is a reaction to a bitter cold blast of winter. Picture Jack Nicholson’s icicle-covered head in “The Shining.” That’s how I feel. I’m just not quite as murdery. Yet.
I have been contemplating writing a letter to my younger self. I know I won’t be able to deliver it without a time machine, but that’s not the point. It’s supposed to be a psychological exercise. However, I really would like to jump into a DeLorean, jet back to the past and tell my younger s…
According to Fox News, a majority of Americans curse when they are stressed. Most likely, because they’re watching Fox News – or any news for that matter. When I read the report, I said, “No $#!” which, for those of you who don’t read comics, roughly translates to “No duh!”
A few days ago, I read about the closing of the Pittsburgh Playhouse in Oakland. I don’t normally wax philosophical about a building, but I have some very fond memories of this historic locale. I’ve seen Greek tragedies, classic comedies, drag queens and German soldiers in that theater.
I have a friend who once told me he would never go on Facebook because he believed it was invented so that the government could spy on him. Back then, I thought he was crazy. Granted, he did wear an aluminum foil hat to keep aliens from scanning his brainwaves, but now I realize he was proba…