Q. I have been dating this guy for almost nine months, and we often talk about getting married. Yet, I find myself preoccupied with a small thing: He doesn’t accept my friend requests on Facebook. Several times now, I have sent him a friend request, and it hasn’t been accepted. After three days, I get embarrassed and go to his page and delete my request. Afterward, I mention it to him, and he tells me that he didn’t see it and I’m overreacting. He says that I have his heart and that there is nothing to worry about. Should I be worried or not? – Overthinker
A. This shouldn’t be so complicated: Let him know when you’ve sent a friend request, rather than silently waiting and withdrawing it in spite. If you can’t be direct with each other about such a simple thing, marriage is not in the cards. And if he still won’t accept your friend request at that point, then yes, I think you should be concerned.
Dear Annie: So I was invited to a drive-up baby shower. I have known the family for over 25 years. I made a very beautiful (and expensive) baby quilt. When I drove up, the mother-to-be was with 10 of her friends, who got to stay. So what she really wanted was a shower with her friends and presents from everyone. I got handed a gross boxed lunch and ate in my car.
My gift to her was a quilt. I asked if she could at least post my quilt to share with our mutual friends and I got nothing. She did post a lot of pictures of her friends having a great time at her shower, though. I am ticked off. Are good manners just completely out the window? And couldn’t she have at least opened the gifts from a distance for us uninvited guests to see? To add insult to injury, I didn’t even get a thank-you card. – Minding Manners
Dear Manners: These are uncharted waters for all of us, and the code of etiquette is still being written. Your friend may have limited the group to 10 people because that’s the law in your area right now.
While the drive-in idea gets points for creativity, I concede that throwing a virtual shower (via a platform such as Zoom) or waiting until life returns to “normal” might have been better options, as they’d allow all guests to feel more involved. But while you’re minding manners, take stock of your own. It’s tacky to insist someone post a photo of a gift you gave them.
Dear Annie: A word of advice to grown children who lost one of their parents, remember the surviving parent is hurting as much if not more than you are and needs compassion, understanding, friends and company in general.
Call him or her daily for at least a few months just to see how your parent is doing. Tell him/her about your job, kids, what you are having for dinner. Just your calling is enough. Visit when you can. Make it a priority.
As time passes, your parent may meet someone and date again, or even consider remarrying. Accept that new love for what it is, a new love. It does not mean that your parent has forgotten the one who passed. There is enough love to go around. Treat that new love like a family member, otherwise you might be very disappointed in the future outcome. And when he passes, he just might leave all of his assets to her! Just sign me... – His Beneficiary
Dear Beneficiary: I’m sorry to hear that your stepchildren didn’t accept you into their hearts. I’m sure good relationships with them would have meant so much more than any financial inheritance.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.