Q. My girlfriend, “Lucy,” and I started dating three years ago, during our senior year of college. After graduating, we both got jobs in the same city where we had gone to school, and we ended up moving in together to save money. Living together was surprisingly easy, as we’re both pretty low-maintenance people.
Anyway, Lucy is a good partner. She’s always encouraged me to push myself to pursue my passions. She’s the reason I ended up applying to a dream job even though it was across the country. I never thought I’d actually end up landing it. But I did. I moved out here last month. The plan was for me to come out first and get settled in my job; then Lucy would follow a few months later. Things are going really well. The company I’m working for is a perfect fit; there’s so much to see and do in the city, and I’ve already made some friends.
The problem is I’m having second thoughts about Lucy. She’s a great person, and I wouldn’t even be out here if it weren’t for her encouragement. But I just don’t find myself feeling the same sparks. I feel terrible writing these words, but I don’t really miss her. When I see her name lighting up my phone, I have to force myself to answer it. She’s flying out for a visit soon to see my new place and apply to some restaurant jobs before making the move.
I don’t know what to do. Should I just wait for her to move out here and see how things go? Or do I need to break it off before then? – Feeling Guilty
A. If you’re feeling guilty now, imagine how you’ll feel if she moves there. It’s time to end things. Keep it short and sweet. Thank her for the years you’ve shared, and then tell her you want to break up. Have this talk sooner rather than later. You’re not doing her any favors by dating her out of a sense of obligation. She deserves someone whose face lights up when her name lights up his phone. Let her go find him.
Dear Annie: I’m a prostate cancer survivor. I notice lots of pink in October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but I haven’t noticed as much light blue in September for National Prostate Health Month.
The last time I checked, the number of men affected by prostate cancer is similar to the number of women affected by breast cancer, but it does not seem to get as much attention. Although there is not much of September left at the time I’m writing this, I’m still hoping to get some of these facts out.
Prostate cancer is the most common cancer among men. About 1 in 7 men will develop prostate cancer in their lifetimes, and about 1 in 39 men will die from the disease. Risk factors include age, family history and race. African-American men are likelier to develop this form of cancer. Know your risk. Talk to your doctor to see whether you should be screened for prostate cancer. – Survivor in Blue
Dear Survivor in Blue: Though it’s no longer September, your message is as important as ever. For more information, visit the Prostate Cancer Foundation’s website, at https://www.pcf.org.