Columnist

Mike Buzzelli is a stand-up comedian and published author. His book, "Below Average Genius" is a collection of essays culled from his weekly humor column here in the Observer-Reporter.

You guys, the year is getting ever stranger. If you haven’t noticed, 2020 is one long Twilight Zone episode. Weirdos in the news is not unique to this year, but earlier this year NASA announced, “Yeah. UFOs are a thing,” and no one even cared.

Side note: The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is not admitting that there are little green men, little gray men or any other unusually tinted non-humans flying saucers around the neighborhood for kicks and giggles. NASA is just saying, “We don’t know what some of that stuff is out there,” and it takes a big person or agency to admit they don’t know everything.

But I digress, like I do. Every year the news is filled with a plethora of strange and unusual events, and, occasionally, I like to bring your attention to these items.

Reel in a big one

When Kevin Wise (not so wise), 26, got 2,000 likes on a TikTok video, he decided to celebrate by taking a little swim. Unfortunately, Wise chose the fish tank in the Bossier City Bass Pro Shop for his deep dive. He took the plunge in the aquarium at the sporting goods store. He was caught on tape by Treasure McGraw (that’s a great name) and ran around the store in wet clothes afterward. He has to pay a hefty fine, but he still plans on making more TikTok videos, cautioning others against spur-of-the-moment pranks. Wise words, indeed.

The tale of the misplaced marsupial

In South Florida (there is always a Florida story), a kangaroo was hopping around a residential neighborhood. The police used a dog leash to corral the out-of-town Australian without hurting the animal. The kangaroo had no identification, which is a shame because he could have kept a wallet in his pouch. The policed turned the misplace marsupial over to the Fish and Wildlife Commission. I bet the Florida police officers were glad it was a kangaroo and not an alligator. I bet the Florida police department wrangles a lot of alligators.

Dough Boy vs. Machete Man

Earlier this month, a strange thing happened in Greenwood, Del. Greenwood isn’t actually a happening town to begin with – so it’s even odder. A man, armed with a machete of all things, tried to rob the Stargate Pizza. He was thwarted by the owner who threw a pizza at him.

When the dough hit his eye like a big pizza pie, it was not amore. It was quite the opposite. The machete-wielding man fled to his car and escaped. It’s so embarrassing to be a failed robber, I bet he has egg on his face – or, rather, dough, tomato sauce and, maybe, some delicious toppings.

The state troopers should have put out an APB for the guy with a pepperoni face. If you’re in Greenwood and see a man with a machete in his hand and mushrooms in his hair, call the police!

If I hear any more wacky news, I’ll let you know.

See what people are talking about at The Community Table!

Thank you for reading!

Please purchase a subscription to continue reading. If you have a subscription, please Log In.